I love a good compliment! I love giving them and I love receiving them. But, have you ever received a compliment about your body that made you feel bad about yourself? I have 🙋🏼♀️
Back handed compliments are not really compliments at all. Back handed compliments are used to make the giver feel good and the receiver feel bad.
I lost about 30lbs over the past year, give or take a couple months. In the beginning, I expected the occasional “what are you doing? You look great!” compliments. Since initially losing weight, I have not lost or gained weight in the past 4-6months.
To preface this post, two years ago I had the hardest most grief-stricken year of my life. It was one thing after another. I used food as my comfort through the heartache and gained about 30-40lbs.
I’m in a much better emotional place now, but I find myself feeling icky sometimes after receiving “compliments” about my body
“Every time I see you, you get smaller and smaller”
“I bet your husband can’t keep his hands off you (since you lost weight)”
“If you keep losing weight, you’re going to blow away”
“You look so good. How much weight have you lost?
“You look better when your smaller”
“You can really tell what a small person you are now”
“Did you have a baby?”
Here are 5 big problems with these type of compliments:
- Our value and beauty is not measured by how small we can shrink our bodies
- Women are under more pressure than ever to “measure up”
- It’s in poor taste to comment on a person’s body. Let’s go back to basic etiquette, y’all!
- Eating disorders are real. Please don’t whisper. Please don’t ask.
- In this society, we glorify weight loss. Let’s not. You never know people’s struggles
Here are some things to remember:
- If you see someone who may have recently gained/lost a significant amount of weight, don’t make a fuss. Ask them what’s new. Chances are, they’ll tell you what they’re doing if they’ve changed their lifestyle/diet
- Never, never, NEVER ask someone if they are pregnant or when their baby is due. Just don’t! If a woman wants you to know about their fertility, she’ll send you an invitation to the baby shower
- Humans attribute how slim you are to your success in life, which could not be farther from the truth
- Thin people are NOT always healthy
- God joyfully and lovingly makes us all in his image. All. Of. Us.
- If you know that someone is struggling with their weight, pray that they find peace and comfort in their life
- If YOU are struggling, know that you are beautiful and should be celebrated for the special person God made you to be
- Be kind to yourself and kind to one another